The Ultimate Tattoo

“BUT GOD RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD, FREEING HIM FROM THE AGONY OF DEATH, BECAUSE IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR DEATH TO KEEP ITS HOLD ON HIM.” ACTS 2:24

I finally went and got my tattoo a couple of months ago.  I got tired of talking about it and just decided to finally do it one day.  Have you ever been that way about anything? Talked it to death….until you are tired of hearing your own self talk? I get embarrassed when I think about some things I’ve talked to death….I mean, seriously, can you imagine how tired everyone else is of hearing about it if you can’t stand to hear yourself?  ;-) Wonder why we do that……fear possibly?

Do y’all remember “Sweet Sensitive Soul”? I was thinking on him the other day. I remember him telling me that he asked Mrs Arizona why she continued to carry her cross around……that she had carried it up the hill…..and now it was time to put it down. I also remember knowing that the day would come when God would call me to lay my cross down. He carried me up the hill……and now He has told me to leave it there…….not to pick it back up……to put it down.

I have this enormous scar on my tummy. I had intentions of getting a tattoo over that scar ~ to hide it….not because I was planning to bear my belly to the whole world anytime soon! LOL :-) But, because I didn’t want the reminder of this incredibly difficult road I was on. I didn’t want to look in the mirror every day and be reminded of the pain…..of the sickness…..of the hardships. That was before…. before I walked into the light…. before God carried me through to the other side. Now, I see that scar differently.

One of my sweet high school girls reminded me of the fact that Jesus didn’t try to hide his scars after He had risen. He wore them so that everyone could see the grace of God shining through Him. She shared a quote from a book : ( sorry I don’t know the book or author!) “It is there in that crack in my spirit that the light of Christ can slip through and help me understand the wound. I am learning to befriend my scars and find gifts hidden beneath.”

The definition of tattoo is a permanent mark or design made on the skin by a process of pricking and ingraining an indelible pigment or by raising scars. My scar is the ultimate tattoo! I definitely got it through the pricking of my soul…..through the ingraining….(i.e. to fix deeply and firmly)……. of God’s promises in my life.  Now, I see that scar as hope.  I see it as victory. I see it as His faithfulness. I want to see it every day. My prayer is that God will never let me forget…..never let me forget the pain of others…..the light that comes after the darkness……..His faithfulness. It is only through the remembering that this journey will have a purpose……the purpose of helping someone else….the purpose of showing just how beautiful, gracious and merciful God is to those He loves and those who love Him.

 Thursday, I will have my one year follow up appointment with Dr. Christein! I can’t believe it will be one year. I can’t promise I will not talk about this journey ever again…..it has made a huge impact on me and my life. And, it continues day to day. What I do hope though, is that when I do talk about it, that the Glory of God will come shining through the story. That His power and strength will be magnified in our hearts through my weakness. That others will see the hope, grace and love  in His scars and the fulfillment of His promise in mine.

Easter was such a true celebration at my church…Cove Methodist. The music was incredible and kept my soul singing long after I left.  Last Easter, I came home from the hospital and honestly thought I had made a huge mistake. Even though God was so generous with His assurance and presence with me….I still had moments….days….weeks…..of doubt. I wish I had more faith then that….it must hurt Him for me to doubt Him.  This Easter, my spirit was in true celebration! Not just because of the freeing of the pain and sickness. But, because of His power…..His power to overcome even death!

P.S. My tattoo is on my wrist ….it is of a heart with the word “free” written into it! :-) I look at it every day also and am reminded to live with the free heart that Jesus has given me! Some days….. I actually succeed! How about that?!! :-)