The Ultimate Tattoo

“BUT GOD RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD, FREEING HIM FROM THE AGONY OF DEATH, BECAUSE IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR DEATH TO KEEP ITS HOLD ON HIM.” ACTS 2:24

I finally went and got my tattoo a couple of months ago.  I got tired of talking about it and just decided to finally do it one day.  Have you ever been that way about anything? Talked it to death….until you are tired of hearing your own self talk? I get embarrassed when I think about some things I’ve talked to death….I mean, seriously, can you imagine how tired everyone else is of hearing about it if you can’t stand to hear yourself?  ;-) Wonder why we do that……fear possibly?

Do y’all remember “Sweet Sensitive Soul”? I was thinking on him the other day. I remember him telling me that he asked Mrs Arizona why she continued to carry her cross around……that she had carried it up the hill…..and now it was time to put it down. I also remember knowing that the day would come when God would call me to lay my cross down. He carried me up the hill……and now He has told me to leave it there…….not to pick it back up……to put it down.

I have this enormous scar on my tummy. I had intentions of getting a tattoo over that scar ~ to hide it….not because I was planning to bear my belly to the whole world anytime soon! LOL :-) But, because I didn’t want the reminder of this incredibly difficult road I was on. I didn’t want to look in the mirror every day and be reminded of the pain…..of the sickness…..of the hardships. That was before…. before I walked into the light…. before God carried me through to the other side. Now, I see that scar differently.

One of my sweet high school girls reminded me of the fact that Jesus didn’t try to hide his scars after He had risen. He wore them so that everyone could see the grace of God shining through Him. She shared a quote from a book : ( sorry I don’t know the book or author!) “It is there in that crack in my spirit that the light of Christ can slip through and help me understand the wound. I am learning to befriend my scars and find gifts hidden beneath.”

The definition of tattoo is a permanent mark or design made on the skin by a process of pricking and ingraining an indelible pigment or by raising scars. My scar is the ultimate tattoo! I definitely got it through the pricking of my soul…..through the ingraining….(i.e. to fix deeply and firmly)……. of God’s promises in my life.  Now, I see that scar as hope.  I see it as victory. I see it as His faithfulness. I want to see it every day. My prayer is that God will never let me forget…..never let me forget the pain of others…..the light that comes after the darkness……..His faithfulness. It is only through the remembering that this journey will have a purpose……the purpose of helping someone else….the purpose of showing just how beautiful, gracious and merciful God is to those He loves and those who love Him.

 Thursday, I will have my one year follow up appointment with Dr. Christein! I can’t believe it will be one year. I can’t promise I will not talk about this journey ever again…..it has made a huge impact on me and my life. And, it continues day to day. What I do hope though, is that when I do talk about it, that the Glory of God will come shining through the story. That His power and strength will be magnified in our hearts through my weakness. That others will see the hope, grace and love  in His scars and the fulfillment of His promise in mine.

Easter was such a true celebration at my church…Cove Methodist. The music was incredible and kept my soul singing long after I left.  Last Easter, I came home from the hospital and honestly thought I had made a huge mistake. Even though God was so generous with His assurance and presence with me….I still had moments….days….weeks…..of doubt. I wish I had more faith then that….it must hurt Him for me to doubt Him.  This Easter, my spirit was in true celebration! Not just because of the freeing of the pain and sickness. But, because of His power…..His power to overcome even death!

P.S. My tattoo is on my wrist ….it is of a heart with the word “free” written into it! :-) I look at it every day also and am reminded to live with the free heart that Jesus has given me! Some days….. I actually succeed! How about that?!! :-)

Freedom

“….I DO BELIEVE, HELP ME OVERCOME MY UNBELIEF.” MARK 9:24

 My pancreas is gone…..and God has given me a free heart in it’s place.  I’ve been searching for that freedom for quite some time.  I probably should say a heart that’s more free….because my mind won’t allow me to live totally free…..doubt, guilt, hurt, worry….they all like to creep in at times and try to steal the freedom that my heart knows has been given to me…..but, because the Prince of Peace lives there, they don’t get to stay……He guards that space, the space that belongs to Him and keeps them from staying too long…..He allows them there just long enough to remind them that they have no place in my spirit and then sends them on their way.  Sometimes I argue with Him about those uninvited guest…..I use words like  “but”,  "what if”, "are you sure”……I know He must get tired of dancing the same dance to the same song with me.  But, thankfully He never acts like it if He does. It’s almost like that’s His favorite song and looks forward to me asking Him to dance. It’s our song. It’s our dance.

The freedom is freedom from judgement, blame, doubt, shame and pride. A chronic illness brings with it all those things…..God brings freedom.  I could have accepted that freedom long before my pancreas was gone……I accepted the freedom for my soul…..but, I couldn’t accept the freedom for my heart.  What lies within me is such a sensitive, vulnerable and guarded heart that I couldn’t accept that it was ok for others to doubt me…..to judge me….to blame me.  My pride made me try to be tough….and try to appear stronger then I really was…..to try to act like I was ok even when I wasn’t.

Through this journey, God is showing me that relying on others isn’t a burden….it is a gift. It allows others to be a blessing and receive the joy that comes along with giving of themselves.
As I was trying to think of ways to give back to everyone that helped me during this trial, my dearest friend reminded me of this… she said, “ Paula, you don’t pay it back, you pay it forward.  Just let others care for you.”  I don’t know why that is so hard for me….it’s the thing I want the most….to be loved. And I know I am…..I know I am…..I know I am….. I know I am because I was still loved when I was very unlovable. Why is it still so hard for me to believe?

Thank You!

“Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.”  Hebrews 13:5


Well…..it’s been 21 days since my surgery.  It  feels much longer.  Every minute that went by felt like an eternity.  I am still processing all of this ordeal….and let me say, it has been an ordeal.  Not just for me, but for my friends and family as well.  And, that’s with everything going really well!  God knew all to well that I wouldn’t be able to handle any complications, so He took care of that for me….Thank you so much God. :-) I love you so much for that.

I havent’ written much on any of this 1.  because I have been just trying so hard to recover and survive.  2. I want time to reflect and sort all this out……I want what I share to to be first of all, REAL and True and also,  be what needs to be shared for the benefit of someone else…..not just a time for me to groan, complain and cry…..and that’s mostly what it would be right now. ;-)

I do want to tell y’all how awesome all of you, my friends and family are!  Your prayers and LOVE did not go unnoticed even though it may seem like it ……I am truly blessed to have so many people praying for me and caring for me.  I will say this is not a surgery you can tough out on your own…..you would never make it.   My mom, dad, sisters, John Parvin, and  Butch have been so great for putting up with me ~ sitting with me, listening to me cry and taking care of me; Julie and Kory have poured out their gifts to make sure I was taken care of in so many ways…..many family, cousins and friends came and sent things to UAB to let me know I wasn’t alone….My sister’s childhood best friend, Kim and her family sat with us and gave us much moral support…… Gracie(one of my sweet college girls) spent my last night in the hospital with me…..walking the halls at midnight in a full moon reassuring me with my own words of why I did this surgery as I cried;  and once I got home we have been flooded with delicious dinners almost every night from all of you…….and you all still continue to give one of the most precious gifts …..the gift of your prayers.  I have read every encouraging word and prayer and it never ceases to amaze me how your sweet words lift my spirit.

At some point I hope to write a little more detail on this experience.  I’m not ready to do that right now.  I just wanted all of y’all to know how much I appreciate all you’ve done for me and my family……how much I love you all and feel so blessed to have you all care about me.  I am so thankful God never left my side and sent you all to remind me of that.  Much love to everyone.  Big Hugs to you all.

Short and sweet tonight…..:-)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6


So, tonight is the last night I will sleep in my own bed (with a pancreas)…that seems so strange.  Just a couple months ago, I thought I was years away from being ready to do this surgery.  And here I am, less then 34 hours until I will be in surgery having my digestive system completely rearranged by someone I’ve only met once.  If he was the one I had placed my hope in…..if I was going completely on his opinion, I would be a lot more nervous right now.  But, because I strongly believe that God is the one who has laid out this path for me, I will sleep a little easier tonight.  I pray that Dr. Christein is sleeping well tonight and tomorrow as well.
 Please pray that this sinus infection I have is a lot better in the morning.  It is so frustrating and annoying dealing with this on top of trying to prepare for this surgery.  According to the nurse, as long as I’m not running a fever, I will still be good to go on Friday.  But, I sure would like to be free from one less thing that makes me uncomfortable.  Pray that John Parvin continues to get better too, and that Butch doesn’t get whatever it is that we started out with……..I really need him so much right now.  Just his presence is a comfort to me.
  We will go down to B’ham tomorrow and stay at the Marriott that is attached to the hospital.  I will not be able to eat anything after breakfast and will be able to have clear liquids until midnight.  I will also have to do a cleanse (fun, fun!) . So, I’m sure Butch, John Parvin and my mom will need extra patience with me….please say some prayers for them.  In general, right now, I am relying on y’all to do most of my 'praying out loud.'  I know God hears the silent prayers of my heart. But, right now, dwelling on anything makes my mind go in too many directions….and many places my mind tries to go that I just don’t have the energy to think about.   So, my sweet friends, I have asked Him to hear your prayers on my behalf as well as those silent prayers of my heart.
   I don’t have an official time yet for my surgery.  They will call sometime tomorrow to let me know. As of right now, I am the only one on the schedule and the nurse said that if it stays that way, I will probably need to be there around 5:00am. …the sooner they get me in there and knocked out the better as far a I’m concerned.  Love to everyone!

Driving through Life………..

“Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven’t stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to His will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you’ll live well for the Master, making Him proud of you as you work hard in His orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul~not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory~strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that He has for us.”
Colossians 1:9-12                     
                                                                                                                      
    The other morning, I realized I forgot to go to the store and was out of coffee……not good! It’s the one vice I have let myself keep in all the things I’ve had to give up.  Instead of having to get dressed, appropriately ;-), I decided to go to a drive thru.  As I ordered, the guy accidentally hit two buttons at once and added on something I didn’t order.  He noticed right away, apologized and asked me to wait a second while he corrected the mistake.  I waited and waited for what seemed like forever.  Once he had corrected the mistake, he apologized for my wait….I pulled up…..and he again, apologized and said how sorry he was that I had to wait "so long".  As he was rushing around getting orders, taking care of business….I started thinking about how long it took. I realized it probably had taken less then one minute for him to correct that mistake…..less then one minute.  As I thought back, I realized I had started to get a little irritated. Although the guy didn’t know this, he still felt the need to profusely apologize for that "less then one minute" I had to wait.  Does anything sound wrong here to you? Something wasn’t  right! And it wasn’t with him…..it was with me.

     One thing this disease has definitely made me aware of is what it means to be patient…..or long-suffering.  And, yet…..the patience I’ve needed to develop to endure this suffering is nothing compared to the patience that other people in this world have needed to endure their hardships.  I think of those who are literally starving, tortured, losing family member after family member….and I am truly humbled.  Everything is perspective and experience.  And, although I have been patient and long-suffering with this disease…..many years of trying to figure out what was wrong……it is in the smallest of things that my patience is tried.  We all have those moments ….the moment the light turns green and the car in front of us just sits there…..the moment you go to check out at Walmart and both of the two registers open are full…..the moment you go to the bank and the only line that’s open is for “commercial customers” only…..the moment you ask your child to take the garbage out and he says “next commercial"…..the moment you ask your husband to take the dog out and he says, “ after this shot.” 

    So, we practice our patience all through the day and then we pull up in the drive thru….where in our perspestive…..in our experience……in our view…..we shouldn’t have to wait.  And when we do, someone needs to pay for that….either literally or by profusely apologizing.  Not only are they apologizing for our having to wait in their line….. but, in a way, they are  “paying” for the waiting we have had to do with everyone else that day.
     I knew once I got the date for my surgery, the waiting for the day to come would be difficult.  I over analyze everything and with too much time….I can really drive myself nuts…..and everyone else around me too. :-)  I’ve tried keeping my mind occupied with other things while I am waiting……  reading, writing, making jewelry ;-)……and practicing my patience.  One definition states that patience is the ability to calmly endure pain, hardships, difficulties and annoyances.  I know that without God’s Spirit within me, I would not be capable of having any patience with this disease or anything else.  Thankfully, patience is one of the gifts we are given when we receive His Spirit within us……it is one of His fruits that He develops in us.  It doesn’t happen automatically. It happens has we are tested and grow in Him and His Spirit.  I love the way The Message interrupts and describes the fruits of His Spirit. In Galatians 5:22-24  Paul states: "But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard ~ things like affection for others (loving), exuberance about life (joy), serenity (peace). We develop a willingness to stick with things (patience), a sense of compassion in the heart (kindness), and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people (goodness). We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments (faithfulness), not needing to force our way in life (gentleness), able to marshal and direct our energies wisely (self-control).  Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good ~ crucified."
  When I was in the line having to wait, I begin reacting in a way that most people react ….irritated and annoyed.  But, because God has been developing His fruit of patience in me, God’s Spirit reminded me to have His patience and kindness.  He gave me self-control and allowed me to react with love and gentleness to the guy who was working so hard. And when I left, I had a peace because I had reacted in God’s way.  I was only able to do that because He made me mindful of these things….not of my own will or power.  I  know that by developing these fruits in me in the little things in life, God is preparing me for the bigger circumstances I will face.  He is giving me these gifts in order that I may have peace and honor Him.  He is giving me His perspective.  He is giving me His ways.  I know that I am not perfect nor ever will be…..and many times, I react in ways that might feel good at the moment, but makes me and everyone else feel worse later on….that is why I am so thankful that God IS always patient, loving, kind and good.  I am thankful that He responds to my imperfections with gentleness and peace.  I am thankful that He makes me mindful of His ways.  Without Him, I would just be another jerk in the drive thru line giving people who are trying to make it in this life, a peace of my mind because they denied me of my rights….after all, he took away “less then one minute” of my life…..GEEZ.  ;-)  Give someone a break today…..smile and say thank you, no matter how long it takes!  You both will feel better!  Much Love! 

Washing of Feet………..

“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.” John 13:3-5

     I went to get a pedicure today.  Before I ever got in the chair, the girl wanted to know if I wanted my eyebrows waxed.  I said no, not today. What she should of said was what she ultimately meant….you NEED your eyebrows waxed. LOL:-)  So, I left with eyebrows that looked sunburned before it was all said and done.  Being tortured wasn’t my goal when I walked in….
     Anyone who knows me, knows I like to be pampered. I’ve been like that since I was a little girl.  It is so comforting to me to have the least little touch ~ my hair brushed, my back rubbed, my hands manicured, facials…..really most anything.  But, to have my feet washed, massaged and manicured is truly something that brings me much relaxation and relief from discomfort.  And, while I have been sick, it has allowed me to escape some of the pain and sickness I am feeling even if it is just for that little while.  
     I don’t know about you, but having someone wash your feet is a very humbling and intimate moment. There is something about showing someone my feet that makes me feel vulnerable.  And yet, when they begin the washing, I become completely at ease.  Today, my experience was a little different.  One that left me feeling even more humbled.  One that left me feeling as though I  saw the inside of someone’s heart.  One that left me feeling more loved, blessed and amazed at God’s love for me.  You may be thinking…really?  all this while getting a pedicure?  come on, you’re laying it on a little thick.  But, I promise you, I truly felt all of those things while sitting in that chair, having my feet washed, and listening to this man’s heart and soul.   He had no idea how much he was touching me…..he was just sharing who he was, things he had learned …..things that God knew would touch me.  
     I am trying to remember the first comment that he made when I realized he was a sensitive soul.  It was early on in our conversation….I specifically remember thinking those exact words…that he has a sensitive soul.  I can’t remember his words, but it was a fairly simple comment.  As our conversation continued, all of what he shared and how he shared it continued to confirm his sensitivity. He started telling me about a client he had when he lived in Arizona.  He talked about how she was an amazing women….she was 67….lived on a ranch, road horses, bread award winning German Shepherds and road a Harley…..:-) He talked about how she wanted to give him one of the puppies. He said he loves dogs and would have loved one. He knew what a loving gesture that was on her part….but, it wouldn’t be fair to the dog.  He is always working…..it wouldn’t get the proper care it needed.  He talked about a dog he had that passed…..how he loved his terrier mix.  Once that dog died, he couldn’t bring himself to have another. The dog saved him once from drowning.  His eyes became teary.  He continued talking of Ms.Arizona…..how she said her dogs were all she needed now. She had been divorced twice and she was done with marriage.  He said she told him no offense to him, being a man and all.  :-) She didn’t think all men were like that, but she was done.  He said he told her….".you had a cross to carry twice….why do you still carry that cross around?  You carried it up a hill, now put it down.”  His words were soft and gentle.  
     Our conversation drifted here and there.  Sometimes with silence as he was washing my feet.  I don’t remember how the conversation started back up….but, he begin to tell me about his dad who had lived in Arizona.  He told me that he died with Pancreatic Cancer. My heart sank.  I told him that I suffered with a pancreatic disease….not cancer, but, something that is difficult to treat.  I told him that I would be having my pancreas removed.  He told me I was lucky.  He shared how quickly his father became ill….how he was in so much pain.  He told me how every night when leaving work, he would say….I have to go home….I have a very special client whose feet I must massage. …every night, he would rub his father’s feet to relieve his pain while his brother would rub his back.  He told me how his father called all of the children in as well as his mother ~ he said his father’s eyes "became wet"….he wanted to tell them goodbye.  He began to rub my feet the way that he would rub his father’s feet….showing me the pressure points that help relieve pain. As he continued to talk about his father, his eyes "became wet”.  He told me about how another client, not long after his dad had passed, gave him a book. The book he said made him happy for his father…..made him see things differently.  What book?…..The Shack.  He said the lady didn’t want the book back…..she just wanted him to pass it on to someone else……he was the sixth person it had been passed to…..he passed it to the seventh.  He told me how every night before they would go to bed, his mother would gather everyone around the living room, and they would all pray together.  He said those things are what matters.  He said he knows money is very important, but some people forget…..think too much about money.  That reminded him of his time in Key West……..no one is in a hurry ….people are so kind…..so laid back. He said I would love it there….I guess he picked up on a few things about me too. :-)  I asked where is mother was now.  He said still in Arizona.  He said he wanted to stay with her after his father passed, but, his mother encouraged him to leave….. to get out and learn……experience things.   And then, the silence came again…..as he seemed to be lost in his thoughts…..as I was lost in all that he had just shared.   
      Wow….I got a lot more then I bargained for when I walked into that place. I had no idea that I would experience the inside of someone’s heart….that I would see someone’s soul…..that I would be touched by this man’s spirit.  I had no idea that God was planning to reach down at that very moment in time in that place to say….Hey I’m still here…….never will I leave you.  I had no idea that while my feet were being washed, my eyes would also "become wet.”  And, just as I walked in ~I walked out…knowing that something powerful had just occurred but not knowing how deeply until I was alone…….alone with God.
     “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” John 13:7
     “ When He had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. ‘Do you understand what I have done for you?’ He asked them. ‘ You call me  Teacher and Lord, and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.  I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.  I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”  John 13:12-17
    This Sensitive Soul was literally washing my feet.  But, more importantly, He was washing away my doubts….my fears.   Just before I left to get that pedicure, I had become upset and fearful about the issues that would come with doing the surgery.  I was letting doubt set in once again.  But, once again, God was right there….reminding me of who He is….reminding me that He is here with me.  I begin to remember that if I didn’t have the surgery that I would live in constant pain and sickness….that I would probably develop diabetes as the disease progressed…..that I had a 50%  increase of getting Pancreatic Cancer.   My time with this Sweet Soul reminded me of how awesome and powerful God is….that He is faithful, loving, and above all else, the one in control.   I made the statement that I wish someone would wash my feet every night the way Sweet Sensitive Soul did for his dad.  He said, if someone loves you enough they can and will do anything.  He was right…..God loved me enough to be the one there washing my feet today.  I can’t imagine anything being more sweet then that.  I pray that God will bathe that sweet man’s spirit in His peace and comfort…..just as He used him to do for me.  I know that there will come a time that God will say to me the words that Sweet Sensitive Soul said to Ms. Arizona….."Why do you still carry that cross around…..you carried it up a hill…..now put it down.”   
      

My Cranky-Panky Friends

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed it for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-7
“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death.  But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us.  On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.  Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.”  2 Corinthians 1:8-11


     When I realized I had Chronic Pancreatitis, I began to look online for other people who were suffering with this disease.  It can be a very lonely place to be, since it is rare that you run across anyone who is also struggling with pancreas issues.  I discovered several support groups on Facebook for people with Chronic Pancreatitis.  I quickly learned I wasn’t alone and there were people who actually were living through the same thing as me.  
      It was through these support groups,  I learned about the different treatment options including the TP/AIT.  I remember when I first learned about "The Surgery" I was like….”What? I thought you couldn’t live without your pancreas”? You would be surprised at how many doctors don’t even know that you can live without your pancreas.  And yet, there were people in these groups who were doing just that.   I learned that I wasn’t the only one that the other treatment options didn’t work for….in fact, I would say most people do not get lasting relief from any of the other options.  I learned about so many people who were on feeding tubes and in the hospital for months at a time…..then out…..only to be right back in.  I remember thinking….well, I’m not as bad as them.  Maybe I will be able to control mine.  After reading about the TP/AIT….I had said to myself and out loud….I will have to be on my death bed before I will consider that. I am a long way off.  Even though I had been told that they have discovered it is better to do the surgery early on in the disease, I still couldn’t even consider it.  I couldn’t justify having such a massive surgery that was going to give me another set of problems, when I was able to function on a "good day."  Of course, my level of functioning and what is a normal level of functioning are two different things.  I thought that maybe my disease wouldn’t progress….maybe it would just stay at the stage it was in ……  I could handle the hospital stays 3 or 4 times a year.  And in between those, I would just quit eating or drinking anything for a few days each month to keep things under control.  I guess you could say I was in denial. 
     But, it did start to progress.  The attacks started coming closer and closer together. And, the intensity of the attacks became greater and greater.  The relief  I was able to get was less and less.  It was a scary thing when I was at the hospital, and they were looking at me and saying…”I’m sorry, we have given you all we can”….and yet, I was still vomiting and still in pain.  That was when I begin to realize, it’s time.  Early on , I remember asking a friend in one of the groups ,“how do you know when it’s time to do the surgery?”  Her response was : “You just know.”  When you are laying in your bed at home, with an IV in your arm, not eating, not drinking, not living and no hope of  getting better, you know, it’s time.  She was right. I am thankful that God still continues to confirm that He believes it’s time. 
     I am thankful to the people in these groups who I now call friends. They are willing to share their struggles and their lives.  This gives me and others hope.  These people are kind of like a family. These are  some of the people I have met: Jill ~ she is passionate about getting knowledge and power to people suffering with this disease~she fought for her own life and now she is helping to fight for the lives of others by starting a foundation called The Pancreas Project. It will  bring awareness and knowledge to the medical community and public as well as emotional and financial support to those who suffer ;  Angie~ she is knowledgeable and caring and shares with so many others…..she fought for her own life while her husband was in Afghanistan fighting for your life; Laura and Felicia ~fight for their lives everyday living alone yet still reaching out to help others ~ Felicia makes beautiful pancreatic disease awareness jewelry;   Whitney~ a beautiful young girl, with a spirit for living and fights to bring awareness by speaking out in the midst of her own battle;  a mother who’s 5 year old child is  fighting this disease  ~ who comes to hear from others what her daughter is going through since her daughter isn’t able to explain it to her;  a mother / wife who’s husband and 2 young children all are battling this disease - she shares her experiences and knowledge with other mothers;  Karen ~a nurse and who’s husband fought this disease -she gave me as well as others much hope in UAB and Dr. Christein;  Kristy ~ who is trying to regain her health/life while still providing hope to me and others;  Erin~ who started a group to encourage people who have had the surgery to share their stories; Bruce ~ who is fighting for his life while fighting to get financial help for the surgery since medicare/medicaid  won’t cover it;  Carrie~ who gives great advice on natural ways to deal with symptoms; Michelle ~ who made beautiful pancreas pillows for everyone to help with the pain in between her hospital stays;  Sue, Megan, Debbie, Candice, Serenity, Sara, Keri,  Wendie, Christy, Beth, Sandy, Heather, Rob, Michael, Chris, Anna, Tracy, Betsy, Stephanie, Evelyn, James, John, Kristin,  Amanda, Hope and many many more.  These are real people, living real lives with this disease from across the world.  They live in the England, Australia, Ireland, Canada, Serbia as well as throughout the many states of America and many other places I dream of going. I now have friends throughout the world…..how cool is that! :-)  Their stories and knowledge have more impact on me then anything I can learn from reading out of a book or hearing from a doctor.  
     I am grateful to them for using their sufferings to help others who are suffering. I am grateful to them that they are sharing their hope with those who can find no hope.  I am grateful to them for humbling themselves and sharing their hurts, fears and love.  They are living out what Paul describes in 2 Corinthians.  They are comforting others just as they themselves have been comforted.  We know that  by relying on and putting our hope in God , He will deliver us from what seems to be more then we can endure.  And you, my sweet friends and family,  are living out Paul’s words as well, when you help us by your prayers.  And how awesome it will be, when many are giving thanks for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.   Love to everyone! Hug someone today, even if they are grumpy like me! :-)